About Incest

As a victim of incest you have been betrayed by someone close to you, perhaps someone you love.  Living with this fact can be very painful.  The following information may be helpful to you: 

You are not alone. 
Now that this subject has "come out of the closet" and is being discussed in the media and popular literature, many men and women are coming forward to say that they have been victims of child sexual assault by a relative.  Current research indicates that one in four girls and one in six boys are victimized before age 18.  The offender is known to the child in 75-90 percent of the cases.

It was not your fault. 
Children are incapable of giving informed consent to sexual activity with an adult.  In spite of this fact many victims feel that they may have provoked the assault in some way.  The offender may contribute to this by blaming the victim, minimizing the problem, and even denying that it happened. 

Many victims of incest have little self-esteem.  This can be expressed in many ways - depression, addiction, inability to make decisions, inability to complete projects and general feelings of helplessness. 

Incest exploits the trusting relationship between child and caregiver. 
As adults, victims of incest often have difficulty trusting people.  This can lead to problems with friendships and intimate relationships. 

Sometimes victims become involved with drugs, alcohol or other destructive behavior.  It is painful to deal with the emotional reactions to incest.  However, the cycle of self-destructive behavior can be stopped. 

Some ideas for dealing with these emotions:

• Seek professional counseling so that you can talk at length to someone who has worked with other victims. 

• Both private and non-profit agencies, like S.T.A.R are available in Anchorage.

• Become part of a support group with other survivors of incest.

• Write out your feelings on a regular basis.  After a few months, compare your first and last entries.

• Picture the offender sitting before you.  Tell him or her your feelings.

• Artistic expression, such as drawing, poetry, or dance can be an outlet for emotions.  Read some articles and books on the subject of incest and child sexual assault. 

The experiences of childhood affect the way we view the world as adults.  However, we do not have to become trapped in negative behavior patterns because of childhood experiences.   Children have little control over their lives, but adults have decision-making power and access to information and resources.  As adults, we can change the messages that parents or other adults gave us as children, and choose to live our lives differently.